As I perused the never ending Fifty Shades of Grey reviews, protests, fanfare and Facebook battles floating around this week I experienced a whole gamut of emotions that I wasn't expecting. Starting with anger at the audacity of bondage & purposeful pain being embraced by a world where so many women and even children are victims when it comes to sex, followed by sorrow & grief that it's the very same world that my daughters are growing up in, then finally coming to rest at understanding & compassion.... Yes. All of the sudden I get it. I totally get it.
A HEART CHANGE As I tried to pray about-or shall I say, pray against the movie, I found myself wondering why? Why the huge draw? Why has it sold over 100 million copies and why all of the sudden is a term like 'mommy porn' not only totally acceptable, but actually trendy? Why are 'regular' women embracing something that most considered an evil and scary perversion not too long ago? The answer was so close it was staring me in the face. It's the overwhelming need to be WANTED & DESIRED. I have it, and if you are a woman, you have it too. I spent all of middle & high school in the shadow of my beautiful older sister just hoping to be noticed let alone wanted, and I am sorry to say that desire led me into some pretty dark places too.
A ONE WOMAN MAN It's my understanding that in the case of Fifty Shades the good looking, rich & charming Christian is so mesmerized and taken with young Anastasia that he must have her. He goes to great lengths to woo her into his bed. He can have, and has had many women yet he is so obsessed with Ana that it's as if she is the only woman that matters. Girls, am I hitting a soft spot here?
A LOVE STORY? Commenting on a Fifty Shades boycott post on my wall, one Facebook user referred to the trilogy as a 'love story.' I argued with her at the time, but now I see how right she was. It is a love story. His need to find, conquer and bring home his beautiful prize to have and to hold, her need to be totally and completely captivating in the eyes of her man for better for worse...it's all there. This is not a new story. This is the same old story wrapped up in a darker package. The classic love story is the bait to get us to see evil for less than it is.
TWILIGHT REVAMPED An entire generation of young girls embraced the demonically supernatural as something not only harmless but mysteriously desirable not so long ago, and now the enemy of our souls has used the same bait to fool spanning generations of women into embracing violent pornography as the same.
Fifty Shades of Grey was originally a short story by a fan based on the Twilight series and characters. Instead of Christian & Anastasia the 'love' story featured in Grey was between Edward & Bella. And that also makes perfect sense. The appeal in Twilight was not the supernatural aspect (bait & switch-remember?), but the reason millions of young girls fell in love with Edward and wanted to be Bella, was because she was absolutely captivating to him, and he couldn't care less if there was another woman alive on the planet, all he wanted was her. In the heart and eyes of women & girls who are longing to be wanted & loved, that makes Bella or Ana the ideal woman, and Edward or Grey the night in shining armor who makes them feel beautiful. Adding in some vampire teeth or bondage (Bait & switch! Suddenly BDSM is seen as desirable!) doesn't change what's at the core of the story, the woman's desire to be wanted and the prince who desires her so.
HOW ABOUT YOU? If you are one who has embraced this trilogy, can you ask yourself what is the real appeal here? Is it really the sex? Would you really want a man who is supposed to cherish you to cause you physical or emotional pain for his own twisted and selfish pleasure? Or does the story just tug at your God given desire to be wanted? Because if it's the latter, please don't fall for the bait and switch, don't let satan trick you into believing that pornography is normal or healthy, or that purposeful pain has any place in a healthy and loving relationship just because you like the idea of being wanted & wooed by the handsome, rich & charming Christian Grey.
DON'T FALL FOR THE HARLEQUIN ROMANCE God is the author of true love, satan is a counterfeiter and has been trying to twist and pervert love from the beginning of time. The enemy of our souls has picked up his game with this one, but it has been a long time coming and I am sorry to say, women started settling for less than God's best in this area long ago....Remember Harlequin Romance novels? Ladies, we are smarter than to fall for the subtle and not so subtle attempts to rob us of our worth when it comes to love and relationships right?
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR So what would Jesus say to the women embracing this and other mommy porn if He stood here today? I believe He would say the same thing that He said to the woman at the well in John chapter 4, "“I, the one speaking to you—I am he.” “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” ”...whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
He is HIM, the One, your Knight in Shining Armor, your perfect Prince. He wanted you so desperately that He was willing to be crucified so that you could know Him here on earth and in Paradise face to face someday. He loves and adores you and if you were the only one on the planet, He would've died just for you. In His eyes you are CAPTIVATING and He goes to great lengths to woo you into His arms which is the most loving place in the world. If you ask Him to fill you, you will never thirst for false love again, you will know and be able to recognize the real thing the way God intended, and you will understand why any kind of sex where the motive is personal pleasure, is a lousy imitation of the loving and passionate coming together into one flesh in marriage that it was created for. The lines that the enemy has blurred between abuse and affection to keep people from experiencing the real thing will no longer be gray to you, but because you have tasted true LOVE that was settled at Jesus' cross, the evil of any counterfeit will be seen in crystal clear black & white.
Thanks for reading, please share your heart and thoughts freely, (unless your heart and thoughts involve profanity, this is a PG blog so I will have to do some editing if that's the case ;) ) God bless you friend, may He show you how so very captivating and beautiful you are,
HUSBANDS AND DADS P.S. For the Husbands & Dads reading this, you are so important. God gave you the role of pursuer for a reason and it's a job you should take seriously! Dads, let your little girls know on a daily basis that they have captured your full attention and that they are your favorite girls on the planet. Husbands, never, ever stop wooing. It takes so very little effort and it keeps our hearts captured forever. Your wooing will not only return to you in passion, but it protects our hearts from the enemy of our souls who would love to lure us into the dark places of the emotional porn of romance movies and books. We'd rather have the real thing any day and you alone have the power to give it to us. That is all.