A short three months ago my brother passed away suddenly from meningitis. I was very close to my brother, his death has been very difficult for me to accept, release, and make peace with. I have argued with God through fits of rage and heartbreak. I have ran into my Daddy's lap and just bawled from the deep anguish I felt.
I travailed in prayer with two other family members for six months before my brother came back to the Lord. I got the privilege of disciplining him. He was on fire for Jesus and growing spiritually at an accelerated pace. It was a gift to see the Holy Spirit transform him before our very eyes! He had only been walking with Jesus for nine months. He had a lot of warfare coming at him, he kept pressing in, he would NOT give up on Jesus.
I remember feeling so much grief from the loss of my worship partner, my prayer warrior, and my ministry partner; we had big dreams to live life together for Jesus. He loved the way I prayed for him, so much so, I found it embarrassing when he spoke so highly of my prayers.
After his death I struggled to function. Weeks afterward I found myself ceasing to pray. I was disillusioned that God did not save him. I was sure He would perform a miracle, I had warred in that hospital room. Because He didn't in the way I expected, I kind of laid prayer down. But God pursued me, never leaving me. I often thought of the scene in The Shack, when God showed Mac He also had scars from being crucified like Jesus. I think that was Poppa telling me He loves me in the pain, never left me, and this tragedy was not to take me out of the fight.
Today was a gift and treasure to behold. Poppa is pouring His love upon me as I step out in obedience to His call, His will. In my worship time today I danced and praised with the Fire of God scarf a friend had gifted me. I was taken up in the spirit and shown the Throne room, the masses praise and worshiping God. Kevin was among them, and for a moment we worshiped together in spirit. It was better than what I had experienced with him here on Earth.
You can have this too. As you seek Jesus, praise Him, adore Him, He will give you glimpse into His Kingdom. My cup runneth over. (Song I worshiped to is below).
......and day and night they never stop saying, “Holy, holy, holy is Adonai, God of heaven’s armies the One who was, who is and who is coming!” Rev 4:8 CJB
.....And yomam valailah (day and night), they do not cease to rest but continue singing, KADOSH, KADOSH, KADOSH, ADONOI TZVAOT, the One who was and is and is to come. Rev 4:8 OJB